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blahh

I'm at the point where I'm so scared. I know what I want and I know what makes me happy. I just don't know to say it or express it. I've always had a problem of speaking my mind and just practically saying how I feel. I've been working on it, but it doesn't seem like anything has change. And, now I might just lose something special. I don't know what to do. I love my life, I swear I do. I love going to school, working, dancing and cheerleading, and where I'm going. I'm not confused with whether I want to be 'in a relationship' or not. I just don't know how to express it. But maybe its not me. Well, maybe it is me. I don't know. However, I do know this blog does not make any sense. I'm just throwing things at the top of my head. I have a headache from thinking so hard. Maybe we just have two different lifestyles, or want different things. Let's face it, my life revolves around cheer and dancing. It takes most of my time, but I don't wanna give them up...I love what I do....

omg..blahhh, just a whole lot of blahhh.
I need a break, a real break.

Camera Fun :]

Cheerleading tryouts!

BLAHHHHH!

It's exactly 3:13AM right now and I have no idea why I'm awake at the moment. I had a pretty good sleep with no interruptions and I woke up out of the blue about 40 mins. ago! I have work in 2 hours. I hope I had a good amount of sleep to work for 6 hours. >___<

JESSE's birthday is today, so Happy Birthday, old man!

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. I'm so worried. I tried planning something, but I just couldn't really make anything work, and now, I practically have NOTHING planned whatsoever. I have such a busy day today that I don't think I'll have any free time to try and figure something out for Valentine's. AHHHHH! I sure do miss LoverBoy though. It's a good thing we plan seeing each other tonight. mmmhmm =]

OMG, that reminds me; Charlene (one of the cheerleaders) passed out a little gift for the entire squad. The moment I got it, I slight pressed it thinking it was candy. And, next thing you know she gives one to another cheerleader and she figures out it was a condom. hahahahhahahaha! It makes sense since she did right "Be safe" on the card. Oh, Charlene.

Photography by D

UGH !

OMGAHHHHH, there was a lot of tension at cheer practice!
Cheer practice started off bad before practice really started! AND, it wasn't even the squads fault. We had such a good practice with just the squad. Every stunt and pyramid hit wit one try. =] Too bad we were told we HAD to leave. Still, so stupid. Why would you kick of a team who'd actually try to practice and get it together 2 hours before practice was actually suppose to be dismissed?

So, our little cheer showcase is now cancelled because apparently not everyone can make it. I was actually really looking foward to it, too. Who knows; we may not compete anymore. But blahhhhh, whatever.


I got my Hello Kitty watch from McDonald's! Woot Woot! ^___^
Hrmmph, this weekend is going to be great. I can just feel it already. ♥

RELIEVED !

After a whole LOT of thinking, I'm beginning to feel like myself again. The past couple of days have been so rough, that I'm so glad its over with. I'm feeling so good and I don't want to have this feeling going away again.

I really need a change. As a matter of fact, I need to change as well. Maybe get out the house more since I'm not working much anymore. Staying home all day/night and spending all my other time dancing or cheerleading gets way to overwhelming. Weird, though, isn't it? I spend most of my time doing the things I love most, but depresses me. I need to stop letting out my anger on LoverBoy...and stopping showing my sadness as anger. Its horrible, and I don't understand how he feels through all of this. I'm so lucky, he's still sticking around. ^__^

I feel another stressful week coming up. BUT, I'm sure I'm able to handle it much better than the last. Our cheer showcase routine is this Friday, as well as Jesse's Birthday. I hope everything goes well.

♥

Feeling pretty good. ^__^


Ahhh, but Valentine's Day is coming up! What to do, what to do...hmm..Gosh, I'm so horrible at the whole romantic thing. >__<

Update !

I haven't been on this in such a long time, so I decided to delete all my past post, and I suppose start fresh?

But anyways, we had a cheerleading competition about 2 weeks ago. EVERYONE on the squad, including myself, thought we did horrible, but we somehow managed to get first place. Ahhh, I'm still highly embarrassed of our poor performance.


So, Selina and Jimmy randomly invited everybody for a dinner at The Boiling Crab. Mmmm, it was delicious. I'm so ready to go again! And, for some apparent reason, everyone was shooting on me. >__<